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Why am I not 23, I asked myself But then, I didn't want to be 23 when… - Echoes of Flavio's Ghost Dreaming — LiveJournal
Why am I not 23, I asked myself But then, I didn't want to be 23 when I was. Any woman I could possibly have been interested in then (or now) would not have been interested in the clumsy, faltering boy I was then (not that I'm any less clumsy now, but hey). I was so full of anguish and unresolved questions. I still am, but I may have got a little better at managing them... and at managing expectations. No, I didn't expect to be king of the world, or rich, by the time I got to this age. I expected to be dead. Or a tramp. Or mad. I've more or less managed not to be any of those things yet and maybe not for a while. I'm reasonably good at (not best in the world but rather quite reasonably good) at what I do and what I do is something I love doing, even if it is a minority interest and my friends (those of my friends who have been there to witness it) will patiently tolerate it rather than passionately embrace it. I do passionately embrace it nonetheless and it is a very important facet of my life (and no, it is not the taking photos and it is not the teaching -"hows the guitar teaching, flavio?"-, which is a consequence and not a bad one and I do love it and, feck it, I'm good at it but it's not the prime motivator, not the reason why I took up music knowing I'd be forever half a step away from indigence) and I find myself in a place that is not where I started this journey but one that has become my home -and luckily, it is one of the few spots in the world where, although horrible things happen from time to time, you don't look over your shoulder all the time, you don't expect 'the standard issue kick on the door' in the early hours, you can be who you are and if it may lessen somewhat your employability prospects, you still can be that, whatever you are. From long haired semi-hippie too-old-to-be-playing-goth as is my case, to foreign or LGBT or whatever hand life has thrown at you and you must play. Not perfectly, this island is full of things that must be addressed but is a whole lot better than so many other parts.

And in the meantime I'm still here, too old to be playing goth, for sure, or even classical guitar concert player when I hardly ever play a concert, but still here, making music and being me. And, yes, teaching guitar and taking those pictures of my friends being as silly as I would dare to hope to be. Happy Birthday to you all, my friends.

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10 comments or Leave a comment
kekhmet From: kekhmet Date: July 14th, 2012 01:09 am (UTC) (Link)
and a happy birthday to you.

My plans for the weekend have changed, so we can make your brithday drinks (had not rsvp'd before as was not sure if I could make it) What time to drinks start?
flavius_m From: flavius_m Date: July 14th, 2012 11:11 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

We'll be there from quite early as we have to make good the reserved tables at the time they gave us, so from 6 or earlier!
queenmartina From: queenmartina Date: July 14th, 2012 01:23 am (UTC) (Link)
Many happy returns. :-) x
From: (Anonymous) Date: July 14th, 2012 09:06 am (UTC) (Link)

happy birthday

Hi there my dear friend, i wish i was there to celebrate with you, am there in spirit however. I do think your writing is very good, and love to write as much as you love the guitar. I reckon you might have missed one vocation, but it sounds as if you are quite happy with the ones you have, and i am very happy for you. YOu are right about my home land, it might have its troubles, but it is home, and safer than here. I wish you all the very best and much love today. Jaqui.
flavius_m From: flavius_m Date: July 14th, 2012 11:12 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: happy birthday

Thank you Jaqs -hey you have an LJ, why didn't you log in?:) x
robot_mel From: robot_mel Date: July 14th, 2012 10:51 am (UTC) (Link)
That was lovely! Happy Birthday! You're not too old to be goth you're an inspiration to the rest of us not to give up :) Besides you're the same age as a certain former president so how could you possibly be considered old?
flavius_m From: flavius_m Date: July 14th, 2012 11:12 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you :) :) xxx
djpsyche From: djpsyche Date: July 14th, 2012 05:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
I agree, there is no such thing as too old to be a goth. Too old to be a raver, definitely ;)
This was beautifully said. Happy Birthday, Flavio. xx
kotenok From: kotenok Date: July 15th, 2012 07:55 am (UTC) (Link)
The best way to win at life is to play the hand you've been dealt proudly, as it's the only one you usually get. Sounds like you're doing a great job of doing that :)

Happy belated birthday!
glamgothruthy From: glamgothruthy Date: July 16th, 2012 11:18 am (UTC) (Link)
good sentiments, its hard but good to try and be happy with what you are and where life goes. Happy birthday
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